Rockstar Movie Review

Cast: Ranbir Kapoor, Nargis Fakhri, Shammi Kapoor, Aditi Rao Hydari, Kumud Mishra, Piyush Mishra, Shernaz Patel, Moufid Aziz

Directed by Imtiaz Ali

Rating: *

This film says that depression, apart from making one horny, ignites the artist in one. But our lead, Janardhan Jakhar/JJ (Ranbir Kapoor) was neither adopted, nor abused as a child to feel down enough to become like his idol, Jim Morrison. So, to pursue pain, JJ flirts with college hottie and serial heart-breaker, Heer Kaul (Nargis Fakhri). He hopes to be dumped, shattered and consequently become a musical genius. But following several awkward proposals, JJ and Heer actually bond over doing wild things, which they trigger off by saying, ‘gandh machaate hain!’

While Heer is scheduled for a Kashmir marriage that would jet her off to Prague, JJ crashes her wedding but avoids clichéd Bollywood tactics of charming her parents or making a swift getaway as they’re not in love. The wedding leads to Heer’s departure, closely followed by logic departing from this feeble rock-u-drama like a ball smashed from Sachin Tendulkar’s bat. 

JJ is clobbered and thrown out of his house for attending Heer’s wedding (a crime because?) and a reason even sillier than that. Broken and hungry, JJ takes refuge at a ‘darga’ which also doubles as ‘school of Sufi music for the lesser privileged’. After two months, he also spends some time, making a living babbling bhajans (to be fair that all religions offer a chance to hone one’s musical bone?).

One montage leads to another and JJ becomes Jordan, a revolutionary solo artist, headed to Prague for a recording. Song and dance numbers to amuse the country’s tourism board follow as Jordan and Heer finally get intimate (just when we thought they’d hook up in the sequel). If Heer’s married state wasn’t rarifying enough, she also suffers from psychiatric issues and is finally diagnosed with a form of terminal bone marrow. Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Finally, an orgasm of sadness results in compositions like ‘Nadaan Parindey Ghar Aaja’, possibly dedicated to the script writers of ‘Rockstar’ who never returned to the sets.

Ranbir is committed in his disturbed desi rocker avatar and his abstention from any intoxicants makes him an idol who wouldn’t corrupt his worshipers. Nargis blends divine beauty with lips that jive like she’s in the movie, ‘Finding Nemo’.

Although the ‘Rockstar’ soundtrack is being crowned universally, Rahman’s work has become formatted. It’s like, be it a horror or an animated children’s film, Rahman will insert a minimalistic yet soulful Sufi number (*Kun Faaya Kun), one Masakali equivalent- (*Sheher Mein), one high-pitched Dil Se-esque number (*Nadaan Parindey) and a soft soothing love song (Tum Ho). Shamelessly ignoring the rock theme, only ‘Saadda Haq’ comes close to the head banging genre. Also note thatMohit Chauhan is a trained professional and do not try singing ‘Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah!’ at home or outdoors, unless you want to risk being certified as an imbecile.

The film’s crisp post-production and beautiful cinematography makes the screen light up to dreamy sights and the enumerable chopper shots allow a great vantage point to take in the stunning landscapes of this eastern European country.

Watching ‘Rockstar’ once is like watching it many times over, thanks to the repeated montages that sporadically recap the film. If you thought being stabbed once was bad, here’s what a knife set can do.

The film drives home an unscientific hypothesis that people who’ve endured sufferings/ heart break/ loose motions etc will reach their creative best. By this logic, each person in the audience will be blessed with superhuman creativity as they step out after watching ‘Rockstar’. Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

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The Dirty Picture review

Cast: Vidya Balan, Naseeruddin Shah, Emraan Hashmi, Tusshar

Directed by Milan Luthria

Rating: ***

Many will argue that this film is filthy, lewd, sleazy and every other word that conveys the same. But since it's based on a character who embodies all these adjectives, it only ends up being a deliciously dirty tribute.

Based on the south Indian dancing diva and actress, Silk Smita's lustful life, 'The Dirty Picture' paints a concupiscent portrait, complete with bouncing love handles, blouses that resemble the barricade at the Metallica concert in Delhi (visible but unable to contain) and dialogues that are as clever as they are cocky. But a film about an A-grade dancer of B-grade repute can't really boast of cultivated conversation, right?

The film takes us into the life of a small-town girl, Reshma (Vidya Balan) who speedily escapes to uptown Madras to live her celluloid dreams. After being turned down time and again, she manages to tease the camera lens and accidently lands a dancing role opposite Superstar Suryakant (Naseeruddin Shah) with her new name, Silk. But Suryakant is only comfortable working with those who make him comfortable in the dressing room and that Silk knows just how to.

Following several happy endings in the dressing room, Silk's career graph slides up like a python on amphetamine. As she grows in popularity, her fans grow, well, while watching her 'thumkas' on the big screen. All is well until Silk realizes the need for a real relationship. She voices her concern to Suryakant, "Raat ko barah ki sui ke tarah chipke rehte ho, aur din mein che ki tarah?" But the middle-aged superstar has his own philosophy, "Jawaani taste karne ke liye hoti hain, waste karne ke liye nahin." This doesn't add up but then do you really care?

The playful Silk is later seen playing mischievous kitty with Surya's refined brother, writer Ramakant (Tusshar) who is charmed by her mere presence. But Silk is boisterous about her sexuality and her misguided fame leads to roaring arrogance, followed by her decline. Somewhere between her descent and the end, Abraham (Emraan Hashmi) a director who has recently swung from arty to farty films, gives in to Silk's smooth arms and his bitter feelings for her become like delectable dark chocolate.

Clearly, Rajat Arora's winning dialogues will make you sit up and say, "She didn't just say that?!" I mean how often does a sex symbol get playful enough to say, "Holi khelne ka shauk hain, par teri pichkari mein dum nahin!" The only letdown here were the forced love angles especially that of Abraham whose hatred and love for Silk, both seemed misplaced.

Vidya is scrumptious as the imperfect and unrestrained Silk, while Naseer is convincing as a superstar out to play shepherd to every newcomer. Tusshar may have dropped his surname for the credits but that hardly undermines the fact that he's been cast in his home production, again. Emraan's character gives itself more importance than you or anyone else does. Luckily, his presence is limited and tolerable.

Reflecting on any period of Indian cinema will mean treading on unintentionally caricature. This is because the fundamentals of cinema and society evolve and the success mantra of the past will seem like a flop recipe today. A dialogue in the film provides one such stereotype, "Iss film mein kuch alag karo. Behen ko izzat do, aur phir usse utaaro." A pure piss-take on Indian cinema, circa 1980s.

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Ladies vs Ricky Bahl review

Cast: Anushka Sharma, Ranveer Singh, Parineeti Chopra, Dipannita Sharma, Aditi Sharma, Shireesh Sharma

Directed by Maneesh Sharma

Rating: * 1/2

Films about conmen rarely con the audience since we love watching people getting fleeced. There's just something special about someone who can massage egos and charm one and all to part with their wallets (or purses in this case). Also, who doesn't want to learn how to tweak human emotions for capital gains? Or how to pursue fancy vocations with much diligence and little credentials. Many personalities for the price of one single multiplex ticket: a Christmas bargain indeed!

The title clearly spells out the unimaginative plot. Our slicker-than-the-rest hero, Ricky Bahl (Ranveer Singh) dons many avatars to enchant and deceive women from diverse worlds. And as difficult as it is to digest, these cheated women from different cities not only find each other but also join forces to avenge their collective wounds. But how do they find him? How do these self-respecting women who've never wronged anyone suddenly break bad? Look beyond these trivial logical concerns and this can actually be a fun ride.

The lady plotters include a sharp and aggressive business manager called Raina Parulekar (Dipannita Sharma), a demure and impeccant widow from Lucknow, Saira Rashid (Aditi Sharma) and a bubbly buffoon of a teenager from Delhi, Dimple Chaddha (Parineeti Chopra). The trio hires 'saleswoman of the year', Ishika Desai (Anushka Sharma) to pose as an NRI millionaire heiress, Ishika Patel. The plan is to get Ricky (known by many names through the movie) to buy into Ishika's business plan and invest in it. Now, conning a conman isn't child's play but doing so in a Yash Raj movie needs meticulous scripting and may be some well-choreographed dance numbers. So our catty conspirers weave a plan so clever that it could only flop if Ricky or the lady imposter fall in love. And to our miserable fate, that happens.

A big thumbs-up surely goes to the lead pair. Anushka is radiant and enigmatic and beneath the façade of a stunning scammer, she reveals streaks of a simple girl who has obvious wishes and dreams like any other. Ranveer's knavish avatar is an odd mix of suave, sexy and awkwardly simple. Among the rest, Parineeti's cheeky one-liners evoke chuckles and her character is equally adorable and dimwitted. Salim-Salaiman drum-up dance numbers which may do the rounds at a few New Year parties but will surely be forgotten post that. YRF is known for its glossy production values and this one lives up to their reputation.

So in the contest between Ladies Vs Ricky Bahl, it is the audience who loses out as it concludes as a sappy story, with the lead couple drifting out of character blinded by love (Sheesh!). Luckily, what leads up to the end is a journey packed with mild laughs, milder scheming and cunning that is almost there. If asked, 'Con banega crorepati', the answer surely wouldn't be the producers of this film.

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